Millennial’s Election Day Enema

Posted on in Politics

It’s almost time for my fellow millennials, who are loyal Democrats, to get out and vote for Hillary Clinton. In case you were confused about which candidate Hillary is, here is some help.

She’s the candidate who believes she should be given a position just because she is a woman. She’s the candidate who stabbed Bernie Sanders, “The atheist Jew” as she fondly refers to him, in the back. She’s the candidate who is against a policy after she is for that very same policy. And, she’s the candidate who you will be stuck with, not for four years, but for eight years. After all, she definitely will run again.

Fellow Millennials, you should have no problem with eight years of Hillary. After all, she has the best celebrities and political mines arguing why you should vote for her. Take Barack Obama for example. In trying to convince people to vote for Hillary, he told Al Sharpton “doing the right thing is not always exciting.” Sounds like voting for Hillary is more like having an enema: a mildly disgusting activity, that is a pain in the ass, but sometimes you have to do, even though you know it’s going to release a flood of shit that will take forever to clean up.

One thing I recommend my fellow millennials do, especially women who vote for Hillary, is sign yourself up for an internship in the Clinton White House. You can be comforted by the fact that, unlike Donald Trump, Bill Clinton doesn’t joke about sexually assaulting women. Instead, he’s a strong believer in the time old maxim that actions speak louder than words. He takes a more hands-on approach to life, if you know what I mean.

Most of all, you can be comforted to know that, despite how much you liked Bernie Sanders, there was never a chance she wouldn’t get the nomination. There is nothing like a candidate who has zero chance of losing a nomination, to not only energize voters, but to contribute to the integrity of our democracy.

So get out there Millennials! Loudly and proudly bend over and get ready to take one for the team. Remember, you stand with her!