I Hate Telephone Surveys. Payback Is A Bitch

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This just happened about five minutes ago. I called Verizon in order to have something done to my account. Their automated system called me back and asked if I was satisfied with the service I received. It always happens whenever you call Verizon and have something done. These type of computer generated calls infuriate me. Their automated system bugs you takes up your time away from your day in order to have some fuckingg computer system ask you if you had an OK time. So I decided to actually participate for once in the computer generated automated questions instead of simply hanging up like I usually do. First question: are you satisfied with the person who answered your call? Please respond at the beep. Once the beep happened I said “no!” in actuality the person I had was very nice and courteous. But I don’t like wasting time on pointless fucking shit that a corporation imposes on me because they believe they can somehow gain some insight into their customers who evidently they believe have nothing better to do in their lives then talk to a computer over the telephone. Right after my negative response I think to myself, what if that poor bastard who answered my phone call has a promotion denied because of my response? As if on cue the computer then announces the second question: were all your needs satisfied? Please respond at the beep. After the beep happened I said “yes!” That ought to fuck up the computer algorithms I thought to myself as I sat there grinning like an idiot. The computer system then said please explain your answers after the beep. Press any button when you’re finished recording. I hadn’t planned for this so I did the first thing that came to my no doubt demented mind. The beep happened. I started saying “I think the representative could have been… A little more…” I began to have a pause as if I was hearing a sound in the room that was interrupting me. I in fact pulled the phone away from my face and began to make a gagging sound. Quickly I slammed the phone back against the side of my head and I said “Amanda? Are you OK?” I guess this made it appear as if I had a daughter or a wife who might have been choking. Quickly… The phone pulled away from my head again more gagging sounds. Phone back to the side of my face “oh my God! Amanda? Are you OK?” My voice now beginning to rise noticeably in volume and tone giving the impression that I am completely freaking out. “Oh dear Jesus! Oh my God! Jesus Christ! I think she’s choking!” “Oh my god she’s not gagging anymore!” I wanted to make sure to explain the absence of any more gagging sound. I had started to get nauseous myself for making such found within seconds of pulling the phone away from my face. “Oh dear Jesus Christ! She is turning blue! She’s not breathing anymore! Hello? Is anyone there?” The call ends. FYI for anyone who cares… Including any Verizon employee who might be in counseling next week from this admittedly scary recording, there was never any person named Amanda. Just stop wasting my time with your stupid automated computer generated surveys.